


Master of Puppets

by uv_duv



Series: Hell's Heart [5]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, F/M, Love/Hate, M/M, Mind Games, On the Run, Oral Sex, Painplay, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:27:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25854343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uv_duv/pseuds/uv_duv
Summary: Guillermo wrestles with revelations that fundamentally change his understanding of his and Nandor’s relationship that came to light after Guillermo was hypnotized by Laszlo. Nandor does his best to make things right but starts to lose his patience with Guillermo. Wasn't it easier, the way things were?'“I’m doing everything I can to protect you, Guillermo. But I do not want to choose between you and them,” Nandor stroked Guillermo’s cheek.The last sentence was a black arrow in Guillermo’s heart. Did they spend every waking moment with you for ten years? Did they stay with you when you had nightmares? Have they killed for you? ...Would you still choose me if it came down to it? Nandor’s cold hand on his cheek did nothing to quell the rage, the betrayal, the jealousy that burned inside of him.'
Relationships: (past), Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nandor the Relentless
Series: Hell's Heart [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845076
Comments: 27
Kudos: 75





	Master of Puppets

Guillermo groaned in irritation and shifted off of Nandor to stand up. He did not extend a hand to help Nandor to his feet. He stared at the dying bonfire, much smaller than before. There was no wood underneath it, nothing to fuel it, and it didn’t spread to the surrounding grass. Guillermo was turning over a question in his mind, like a heavy coin.

_ When were you going to tell me? _

Squaring his shoulders, Guillermo turned back to Nandor. Nandor’s mouth was slightly open, his eyes searching, but he said nothing. The question rose in Guillermo’s throat, the first syllable alight on his tongue, but then he thought better of it and let it disintegrate. He already knew the answer. 

_ He was never going to tell me.  _

Maybe Nandor saw the disappointment cloud his eyes. Maybe, maybe somewhere behind his thick skull the pain of recontextualizing a decade of his aloofness, his insults, and his affection that almost always led to retaliation was sinking into the folds of his dead brain. Flying and being dropped. Giving so much and Nandor still taking more and yelling at him for it. The scars, physical and mental, that he gave Guillermo.  _ Probably not, _ but Nandor reached for him. It gave Guillermo a sick satisfaction to walk away, the grass giving way to crunching ground and vegetation beneath his boots. 

“Guillermo! Where are you going? The van is the other way!”

Guillermo walked quickly in stony silence. He turned his phone light on to navigate through the dark trees. There was a sudden absence of crackling and the forest was plunged into greater shadow; Nandor extinguishing the bonfire, Guillermo assumed. Nandor followed behind him.

“Tell me, what are you wanting? What are you wanting me to do?”

_ Go fuck yourself, for a start? _

“Anything. Say the word,” desperation was creeping into Nandor’s voice. A small dark part of Guillermo liked it.

_ There’s nothing you can do to make up for a decade of your shit.  _ Guillermo didn’t look back at the shadow that seemed to stay right on his heels.

"Guillermo, why aren't you saying anything?"

Guillermo stopped. He picked up his duffel bag from the base of the tree that he left it at earlier, when he was napping with the slumbering vampires, in a sense. Rummaging around inside, he noticed Nandor shuffling to hide behind a tree. _If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead in that clearing._ _It’s just a flashlight._ Guillermo switched it on and briefly saw Nandor’s eyes gleam gold.

"Because if I do, I'll say something I regret," Guillermo replied, eyes dark. 

Nandor stepped out from behind the tree and indicated the duffel bag that Guillermo was holding. Guillermo allowed him the gesture. 

"I would forgive you," Nandor said softly, brushing his hand over Guillermo’s as Guillermo gave him the bag, his eyes full of warmth. One of his strategies.  _ It’s always a game. _

"I don't need your forgiveness," Guillermo said, clenching his hand into a fist. He looked at Nandor’s hand, curled into an anxious claw. The rings on his fingers that he used to take off every day and put in a padded jewelry box and put back on every night. That he took so much care in polishing. There were so many times that Guillermo took a ring off slower than necessary, his fingers playing across Nandor’s hand, his heart rate quickening, even though he chastised himself for it and beat the feelings down as best he could.  _ And Nandor must have known. _

“What are you needing?” Nandor asked in a deep voice, angling his head. Coming in close. His mouth, his eyes, his beard... His hair cascading over his shoulders. It was irritating, how easily beautiful he was. Guillermo looked at his long black hair, that he used to wash in the bath when Nandor got into unwinnable fights with ghosts or fell into muddy holes or got fleas. He had scrubbed him clean, every time, struggling not to stare or betray why his heart was beating so hard at an ostensibly simple task. Clenching his teeth whenever Nandor stood up and the water dripped off of his body.  _ And Nandor must have known.  _

“I need…” Guillermo tugged on his own sleeve, averting his gaze. 

There were too many things to say, too much to process at once. There were so many scenes from their past that he wanted to interrogate Nandor about, but it was impossible to sort, to prioritize.  _ And even seven days ago. How could you possibly pretend you had no idea? What would we be if I hadn’t forced the issue? Were you ever…?  _ It was all just so, so absurd.  _ Why did you spend ten years teasing and denying me? _ Guillermo wasn’t sure he wanted that answer, especially not right now. Being humiliated in front of his only…  _ God, friends? _ ... had emotionally drained him. Resisting the hypnosis, what little he could, was physically exhausting too. He felt like a walking shell. But then other thoughts bubbled up.  _ Is that why you were so upset in the van? You liked my dream…? _ And it was his dream, unaltered. But did he really know that? He also remembered Nandor pleading with Laszlo, apologizing to protect him. It hadn’t worked, but he had tried...  _ No, no, damn it.  _ He could have tried harder.  _ Fucking Laszlo. _ Guillermo looked down at sprawling tree roots, starkly illuminated by his flashlight. They were as gnarled and tangled as his heart.

Guillermo worried his lips. “I just…” he sighed deeply, blinking and looking past Nandor, “I’m scared.”

“Scared?” Nandor asked, confused and protective at once.

“Scared that…” Guillermo swallowed. It was hard to say but needed to be said. “That you're just using me. That I can’t trust you. Like this is just convenient for you. Or a game. That it's just sex," Guillermo said, turning the flashlight on Nandor. He made an offended face.

"Guillermo, if this were just about sex, we would be having sex," he stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Guillermo noticed he didn’t address any of the other accusations.

“Then whatever it is you get out of torturing me,” Guillermo said flatly with a small shrug of his shoulders.

"Torture?" Nandor scoffed, "It has been seven days!”

Guillermo started to say, “It’s been a--” but Nandor kept talking over him, moving even closer to him, leaning forward and lowering his head to match Guillermo’s gaze. 

“What is one week of trying to keep a secret to survive? Can you really not manage this?” he said, poking Guillermo's chest, “And it is not just you suffering, you know. Do you know how much I want to bite you? You taste fucking incredible, but I haven’t, not even once!” he put up a finger to indicate the number one, wagging it in Guillermo's face, “And perhaps you have not noticed, but I have not cum either," he said, narrowing his eyes at Guillermo and flicking his nose. Guillermo couldn’t fucking believe him. 

He shoved Nandor away from him.

“You would have if you didn’t immediately betray me to fucking Laszlo! And for fucking nothing. You never fight for me, never--” Nandor interrupted him again. He was getting louder, bigger, pacing in front of him. The contents of the duffel bag clattered as Nandor became more animated and jumbled it about.

"First of all, that was a mean trick! What is getting into you? You were once so gentle.”  _ And so easy to take advantage of?  _ Guillermo cracked his knuckles.

“Secondly, are we forgetting that I covered for you when you killed Carol? And that I was willing to fucking die for you at our trial? Honestly, Guillermo, this entire situation is your fault!" Nandor bellowed, spreading his arms. Yet again, Nandor fashioned the argument into a dagger held against Guillermo.

"Fuck you.”

Nandor scowled incredulously. Guillermo's voice got dangerously low as he closed the distance between them. The shadows jumped with the bounce of the flashlight.

“I busted my ass for you for more than ten years. You are a liar and a coward,” Nandor hissed at him and Guillermo slipped holy knuckles on his free hand, “You were never going to turn me, and never ever going to tell me that you knew. That you knew I loved you.”

“And why do you suppose that was?” Nandor spat. He threw the duffel bag on the ground somewhere behind him.

“I don’t fucking know. Enlighten me,” Guillermo fished his crucifix out from under his sweater. Nandor registered it; eyed him warily but didn’t step away.

“You are not the first familiar to be attracted to their master. I thought your little crush would fade,” Nandor swept his hand in front of him like he was tossing aside garbage.

“Well it didn't.”

"It should have," Nandor said coldly.

"So it didn't fade. It only got stronger. As much as I wish it didn’t,” Guillermo said, pure poison. Nandor stepped forward, towering over Guillermo. Looming over him. His teeth were glinting from the angle of the flashlight beneath him. 

“And despite my sincerest efforts otherwise,” Nandor said, matching the barb. Guillermo could think of literally dozens of counterarguments to that. 

“Why is it so unthinkable to be with--a familiar?" Guillermo nearly asked about being with him, but skid at the last second. 

“Are you joking with me?” Nandor’s brows furrowed together skeptically, “Familiars die all the fucking time. You know that,” Nandor chuckled condescendingly. “Imagine getting overly attached to a fishy, or a housefly," Nandor put his thumb and index finger together, presumably to symbolize a fly. "Dead within days,” his hand flared open in front of Guillermo’s face, as though the fly burst into flame. “Then where are you? You’ve played yourself.” 

“Goddammit, I’m not an insect!” Guillermo swatted Nandor’s hand away, “What was your grand fucking plan then? You were never going to turn me,” Guillermo talked over Nandor’s vivid objections, “Oh don’t fucking pretend you were.” He clenched his hands as he circled around Nandor, the flashlight casting harsh shadows. Nandor’s cape dragged behind him as he spun slowly to continue facing Guillermo.

“Fine, Guillermo! You want the fucking truth?! You’re right on the honey! Nobody turns familiars. Or loves them. Familiars are all pathetic mewling servants, sad jokes for laughing at, that either quit or die. Then you get more and the cycle begins anew,” Nandor swept his arms as they continued orbiting each other, “Credit where credit is doomed, you made it much longer than I thought… but were somehow too stupid to put this together. So my plan, Guillermo? To enjoy you. While you lasted,” he said petulantly, drawing out each word. 

Guillermo stopped. Looking past Nandor’s insults and ironic misunderstandings of idioms, on some level he knew, or at least suspected all of this. Nadja and Laszlo weren't exactly subtle. He was just dumb enough to think that Nandor was different. That… he was different. Hearing it straight from Nandor’s mouth was something else entirely. He was almost as angry with Nandor as he was with himself, for falling for it. And he hated himself for clinging to Nandor using the word “enjoy”. 

“...I’m not your familiar anymore." 

"As you continue to remind us." 

Guillermo had to ask. "So then, why did we have to hide this from the others?” 

Nandor flung his arms at his sides, his hands in desperate fists. “Because Nadja and Laszlo brought up abandoning you at the car stable! Or selling you out to the council!” Nandor retorted, his face betraying his despair.  _ I saved their fucking lives. _ Guillermo felt a wave of icy disgust.  _ They thought about leaving me the next goddamn day. _ He should have left them to die. O _ f course they fucking did.  _ Guillermo even had the same anxiety at the time, waking up in the van alone. 

... _ When were you going to tell me? _

“I’m doing everything I can to protect you, Guillermo,” Nandor placed his hands on his shoulders, “That is why I said those things to Laszlo. And I am sorry. But I do not want to choose between you and them,” he stroked Guillermo’s cheek.

The last sentence was a black arrow in Guillermo’s heart.  _ Did they spend every waking moment with you for ten years? Did they stay with you when you had nightmares? Have they killed for you? ...Would you still choose me if it came down to it? _ Nandor’s cold hand on his cheek did nothing to quell the rage, the betrayal, the jealousy that burned inside of him.

Guillermo shook Nandor’s hands off of him and roared, “You made me choose you over everything else ten years ago!” 

“You are right, Guillermo,” Nandor looked at him with a strange calculating expression that Guillermo couldn’t quite make sense of, “...But you also let me. I did not kidnap you and whisk you away off of the street. You are not as innocent as you think you are. And you know what?” Nandor said quietly, inching closer like a snake, “I would do it again.” 

Guillermo matched his gaze, his eyes righteous flames. “You are the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Ha, then we are finally on the same page, little monster..." Nandor growled. He trailed a hand down Guillermo's chest, over the bandolier, dragging a finger slowly down a stake, down Guillermo’s stomach, settling on Guillermo’s hip, his eyes liquid fire fixated on Guillermo’s mouth. 

_ God damn him.  _ Guillermo couldn't help that his heart and lungs both seemed to stop for an instant. That he was staring at Nandor, wrestling with his own magnetic attraction and bitter hatred. That they seemed to complement each other. Guillermo felt like he was being drawn into a black hole and was mad he wasn’t fighting harder. It was obvious that Nandor wanted to stop arguing and was distracting him with this. And yet… his hand was on Nandor’s chest too. Guillermo relaxed, accepting the blatent manipulation, meeting Nandor's gaze, parting and wetting his lips, resigning himself to always, always, crave this.  _ I would do it again too… I would do anything for you… _

In a lightning quick movement, Nandor knocked the flashlight out of his hand and it shattered on the ground, throwing them into pitch blackness. 

_ What the fuck! _

Guillermo was genuinely shocked and for an instant terrified. A hand over his mouth trapped his screams. He was so surprised and disoriented that he almost fell backwards, but another hand fisted in his trench coat caught him. In another instant, that hand was on his bandolier.

A stake slithered up his sweater collar and over his throat, drawing the necklace taut. With a flick, it broke and flung the crucifix into the dark. Guillermo didn’t want to imagine that Nandor would kill him, but in that instant his panicked brain hooked on, _ did he... just decide he was sick of me? _ The thought of dying in the woods, his broken and battered body drained of blood sent another rush of terror through him. Guillermo threw a punch but didn't connect with anything. Hands ripped off the bandolier and threw it away as well. Guillermo flailed in the dark, coming up empty every time. Rushing air and the fluttering of Nandor’s cape simultaneously surrounded him and evaded him, suddenly solidifying into Nandor pinning his arms above his head by his wrists and pushing him against a tree. 

The bark scraped his face and set his glasses askew. Nandor chuckled, his cool breath against his temple. "You forget yourself, Guillermo… You forget who you belong to," Nandor growled low and hungry, nipping his ear, a hand on his neck. The darkness concealed the blush that consumed Guillermo's entire body. He hated that his chest was heaving with excitement, his heart pounding, his thoughts a chorus of  _ yes yes yes _ at Nandor outmaneuvering and overpowering him.

He came back to his senses after a moment and wrenched his wrists out of Nandor's hold, pushing past him and sprinting randomly into the darkness. Nandor’s laughter echoed through the black trees. Tree branches scratched Guillermo’s face and arms as he ran. Guillermo’s foot got caught on a root and he landed with a hard thud, rolling onto his back with the force of his fall. The fear coursed through his veins as he twisted around fumbling in the dark with his hands, struggling to stand and run, his feet getting caught in other roots. Nandor was on him, pulling him back by his ankles. Guillermo's hands and knees scraped against the hard ground in his effort to get away. Nandor pulled his socks down, no doubt to confiscate the mini-stakes that he knew Guillermo kept hidden there.  _ Fuck.  _ Other than the one set of holy knuckles on one hand, Guillermo had nothing left. Honestly, if Nandor had finally snapped and decided to kill him after all, he was impressed. Seducing him. Leveraging the darkness. Removing the necklace with a stake. _ Maybe even taking the duffel bag? _ It all clicked into place. He had to admire the strategy. 

Nandor grabbed at his trench coat, clambered on top of him from behind, finally gripping the back of his head by his hair. Guillermo didn't want to admit how much this was working for him, but was given away by moans that tumbled out of his mouth. The way that Nandor forced Guillermo forward onto his elbows, spreading his thighs apart with his legs. The unmistakable feeling of Nandor's erection pressed against his ass. Nandor's nails on his scalp, the electricity when he pulled his head back and growled, "You will scream for me," Nandor's full weight on top of him. That he couldn't see a fucking thing. Only feel and smell Nandor all over him. 

“Face me,” Nandor commanded. Guillermo clumsily turned over onto his back, obeying. “Give me your neck.” Guillermo fought a sob as he tilted his head to his left shoulder. The next second, Guillermo could feel Nandor’s cold wet mouth on his quivering throat, the edges of his sharp teeth giving him goosebumps. When Nandor’s teeth punctured his skin, Guillermo couldn’t fight his instincts. He pushed away, his boots finding some purchase, his arms about to lift himself up and turn around to blindly sprint again when Nandor staked his trenchcoat into the ground. Checkmate. Guillermo laid there, paralyzed, adrenaline pumping his heart and working his lungs. Nandor's eyes flickered brilliant gold as he settled on top of Guillermo. He bit Guillermo's mouth, a sharp kiss as he lapped up the blood that rose from his lips. Guillermo gave himself to it, to Nandor, put tired arms around Nandor and felt the texture of his cape under his fingertips. If he was going to die this way, so be it.

But then, like many nights in a string of sad motels on this road trip from hell, Nandor rocked his hips between Guillermo's open legs. Intense relief bathed Guillermo. He nearly started to laugh, but the feeling of Nandor's erection rubbing against his, the winning combination of friction and pressure, Nandor still sucking at his bitten lips made him moan quietly instead. This time Nandor didn't stop Guillermo’s whining. Guillermo could sense the invitation, got louder as he matched Nandor's movement. The pleasure lit him up in the dark, paired nicely with the sharp burning pain of Nandor biting his neck and sucking from him lightly.  _ Sips? _

“I’ve seen this in your mind a thousand times…” Nandor moaned, his voice soaked in lust, Guillermo’s blood dripping from his mouth. It made Guillermo shudder. His mouth fell open in a ragged gasp when Nandor pulled his pants and briefs down to his ankles. Nandor’s hands roved across his body, under his top layers, stroked Guillermo's inner thighs, hips, stomach, and kept biting Guillermo as he angled himself... Guillermo wanted to give into it, to let Nandor mercilessly fuck him into the dirt, just like his dreams... Nandor grabbed Guillermo's hips and started to pull forward but Guillermo had to put a firm foot against his shoulder and say, "Hold on. We can’t do that. It's unhygienic."

"I don't care Guillermo, shut up and let me finally fuck you."

"No, this isn't happening without lube," Guillermo said more firmly. “...Blood doesn’t count,” he added in a hurry. Guillermo knew exactly how large Nandor was. It was a special occasion that required preparation, even at the house with the lube jug and a dildo that he borrowed from Nandor’s collection because it matched Nandor’s size.

"Fuck. That is a very compelling point… Rude of me to forget the lube," Nandor conceded.

Guillermo would have laughed but then Nandor slid back down his body, hiking up his sweater and underlayers, grabbing at him greedily and nipping at him along the way. Guillermo didn’t dare ask.  _ Was he going to…? Oh my God. _ He arched and sobbed involuntarily when Nandor’s soft lips teased his cock, a thumb stroking his balls. The other hand wrapped around the base of his shaft. Guillermo was distantly reminded that Nandor was probably playing him, but stopped caring. It was the best distraction he’d ever experienced.  _ Maybe I should start more arguments... _

“I want to hear the things…” Nandor murmured, “Will you say the things for me, my Guillermo?”

“Yes, yes Master…” Guillermo couldn’t stop himself. A black thread that had never been fully severed.  _ Fuck it. _

Nandor chuckled, “Very good.”

Nandor took him loosely into his wet, pliant mouth. His tongue toying with the head gently. Sucking slowly, his hand pumping at the same rhythm. Guillermo’s hips bucked up and Nandor held him down hard with the hand that wasn’t stroking him. Filthy moans came out of Guillermo that he just began to notice. 

“You feel so fucking good…”

Guillermo’s hand searched the darkness for Nandor’s hair, the other gripping the top of the stake that nailed down his trench coat. Nandor took him deeper into his mouth, sucking harder, swirling his tongue on the upstroke, and scratching Guillermo’s chest and stomach. Guillermo’s mind spilled out of his skull into the tree roots.

“Ohhh fuck. Fuck… fuck, fuck, it’s so so good…” he panted. He had no control over himself. Nandor could do anything to him and he would let him. 

Nandor took him all the way down his throat. Guillermo’s thighs were shaking. His hands gripped the stake and Nandor’s hair tighter. Guillermo’s loud gasps and moans were completely incoherent, sprinkled with profanity. Nandor continued to suck him, agonizing slowly at first but picking up the pace as Guillermo’s hips undulated more and more. 

“Please don’t stop,  _ please, please, please Master…! _ ”

To his great misfortune, Guillermo’s mind snapped back like a rubber band, stinging with the recoil, reminding him of what he saw through the crypt door not three weeks earlier. The real reason he left. Something he had blocked out but came crashing back unbidden. Something he couldn’t ignore.  _ Nandor knew.  _ It changed everything.

He felt sick. Nandor’s hands wrapped in Laszlo’s hair, his head thrown back against the wall, Laszlo’s name on his parted lips, Nandor screaming  _ please please please, _ his black hair pouring down his bare chest. The screeching sound of frenzied claws at the back of Guillermo’s eyes. Of imagining tearing Laszlo off of Nandor and staking him through the chest, forcing Nandor to watch. Of chopping Laszlo’s head off with a broadsword. That Guillermo had asked Nandor earlier if he needed help filling the jars, with a lingering look at his persistent erection. That Nandor had sent him away with a disgusted sneer and an insult. That he knew.  _ That he fucking knew.  _ And he still did it.  _ And left the door open. _

The unwelcome flashback sunk cruel teeth into Guillermo’s heart. He really was just a toy. A toy that was easy to manipulate and string along. To play with. A toy that made noises that Nandor liked to hear. 

“Get off of me,” Guillermo demanded, wrenching Nandor back by his hair.  _ The stake was right there... _

“You are still wanting me to edge you? I can--” 

"Why do you think I really left you the second time?" Guillermo asked, pushing Nandor away, pulling up his pants, smoothing down his sweater, ripping the stakes out of the ground. Guillermo thought back to lying to the cameras, something about his focus.  _ Chores falling to the wayside? Not even close. _

"I… I don't know," Nandor was utterly lost. Guillermo was astounded.  _ Had he genuinely not thought about it?  _ It hit him that Nandor had never asked him.

"I saw you and Laszlo. And I… Had really dark thoughts. I didn't trust myself to be around you anymore,” Guillermo turned on his phone light and stood up. Nandor clambered up to his feet a moment later. 

Nandor stammered awkwardly, “I--well… It is in the past and--and it was... exsanguinating circumstances," pulling on his fingers. “Let’s not think of that…” he mumbled as he reached for Guillermo again, who refused him again.

“It was less than a month ago, Nandor. And you knew how I felt. And you had me pick up the jars after,” Guillermo’s voice was cold and unyielding granite.

“D-did I? Oh. Uhh… oops. I swear, I swear I will make it up to you,” he looked at Guillermo, his eyes full of desperate pleading. There was a heavy pause. Guillermo sighed deeply.

“I don’t know if that’s possible.”

The duffel bag had hit a tree a decent distance away. Guillermo wordlessly retrieved it.

“...Are you going to leave me again?” Nandor’s voice was shaking. He looked so vulnerable, his mouth open, eyes watery.

Guillermo ran a tired hand through his hair. “I don't know. Right now I can't. But I don't know that I can be with you either." 

They walked back to the van in a strained silence. 

\-----

When Nandor and Guillermo returned, Nadja and Colin Robinson were sitting under a streetlamp in the graveyard parking lot. Laszlo was nowhere to be seen.

“So uh, what happened? Guillermo looks a little worse for wear,” Colin Robinson pointed out. Guillermo realized he was filthy, covered in bites and scratches, had two holes in his trench coat, and was probably bleeding because of Nandor. He forgot to wipe his bitten mouth and did so quickly with the back of his hand, hoping they wouldn't notice. Nandor looked fine. Maybe his hair was a little disheveled.

“Racoon attack,” Guillermo said, throwing a withering glance at Nandor.

“No, it was a big bear,” Nandor insisted, returning Guillermo’s volley. 

Guillermo hit back with, “Actually, it was a squirrel.”

"Huh. Well, whatever attacked you, you’re lucky to be alive. So everything good between you two now?” Colin Robinson asked, chipper as could be.

"No," they said simultaneously.

"Great. Nadja thought you were fucking, so I handily won that one." They both glared at Colin Robinson. He cackled to himself. Nadja shrugged casually. 

“To be fair, many of my arguments with Laszlo end that way. You might try it,” she suggested breezily, waving her hand at both of them. They both pointedly looked away from each other.

"Speaking of Laszlo…” Nadja started. Nandor and Guillermo both winced. 

Colin Robinson interrupted her. “Are you going to, you know?" he motioned putting a stake through his own chest, complete with exaggerated gagging sounds. Nadja grimaced and said “don’t give him ideas!” before clearing her throat and addressing Guillermo again.

“Can I please ask that you not kill him? You are completely within your right, I won’t deny that, but… um… eh...” she couldn’t seem to think of a compelling reason.

“I’ll think about it.” 

Guillermo took the keys from Colin Robinson and got in the front seat. Nandor got in on the passenger side and Guillermo shook his head. 

"I'd rather have Colin Robinson as my shotgun,” Nandor looked incredibly offended, “Sit in the back with Nadja. And wherever Laszlo is hiding," Guillermo said with an eye roll. Nadja gasped, shocked that he guessed. Tiny screeching sounds were muffled by her skirt.

Nandor obeyed. 

\----- 

Guillermo didn’t drive for that long. He felt like a sack of dogshit that had been run over and Colin Robinson would not stop asking annoying questions. “How long has this been brewing?”, “You lil’ lovebirds think you’ll get hitched?”, “Who's the top?” Neither of them responded.

“I think it’s cute. Potentially tragic but also beautiful. Human slayer and vampire… vampire. I’m rooting for you,” Nadja said. Guillermo appreciated her sentiment and decided that she could live, after all. 

"Er well, actually it occurs to me I am not quite clear on your feelings, Nandor. Where is your heart in this? Do you feel for him?" Nadja asked. 

Guillermo gripped the steering wheel tightly. He couldn't see Nandor's reflection in the rearview mirror and wouldn't give him the satisfaction of turning around. His face betrayed nothing as he continued driving.

"Certainly not the same way," Nandor said. 

Guillermo's breath got shallower and something black, cold, and sharp was forming in his chest.  _ You cannot possibly... _

"I have never wanted to kill Guillermo. Or leave him. Protecting, yes. And… and…" his voice faltered and drifted away.

_ Love. The feeling is love you fucking idiot. _

"It is okay to say, Nandor," Nadja said softly. 

"A lot has changed. I am still figuring it out," Nandor murmured. 

"I think you will figure it out, old friend," Nadja said encouragingly. "Laszlo and I have been together for centuries and we are still figuring it out."  _ Did… did Nadja even know?  _ It hadn’t occurred to Guillermo that she might not be aware of Laszlo cheating on her again.  _ With the vampire she was comforting. _

Guillermo looked through the rearview mirror at where he guessed Nandor was in the back. He didn't smile _. _

\-----

This motel was essentially the same as all the others. Guillermo stayed in the front seat after the vampires got out and checked in. Nandor looked back at him and Guillermo stared back blankly. Nandor narrowed his eyes and swept his cape dramatically as he stomped away. Guillermo debated sleeping in the van, or maybe the bathroom again. With the van rental still charging him, he couldn’t afford his own room. He decided on the van, locking the doors and settling into the back seat in his dirty clothes. He covered Nandor's bites and scratches as best he could with incredible quantities of neosporin from his duffel bag before passing out across the back seat. It was not great.

Colin Robinson banged on the window at sunrise and Guillermo glowered at him blearily. 

“Guillermo! Guillermo! Heya Guillermo, can you open the door? It’s me, Colin Robinson!”

Despite his better judgment he did. When he crawled out of the van, Colin Robinson gave him a room key and muttered how bummed he was he wouldn’t be there. 

\-----

Guillermo snuck into the dark room silently. It was the same as all the others. With the dim light of his phone, he could see that all three of them had pillows over their faces again, Nandor in the center of his own bed covered in capes. He was relieved that they were at least pretending to be asleep. His gaze drifted to Laszlo.  _ It would be so easy... _ But then Guillermo noticed that Nandor was sleep-talking.  _ Hm. _

Guillermo turned off his phone light and crawled on the floor as quietly as he could. 

“Laszlo...” Nandor mumbled.

Guillermo dug his fingers into the crunchy carpet.

“It’s not.. He’s…”

Guillermo held his breath.

“He’s not anything.”

_ Did he mean me or Laszlo?  _ Guillermo got onto his knees at the foot of the bed and touched Nandor’s ankle as softly as he could. He closed his eyes and tried to focus, to force the connection the other way. Nandor’s ankle twitched.

“Vampire-only power, Guillermo.”

Thoroughly busted, Guillermo was grateful the darkness of the room hid his embarrassed blush. Nandor scooted to the other side of the bed, away from the window, making room for Guillermo in his usual spot. Guillermo ignored his obvious invitation and went to take a much needed shower. The warm water felt incredible. As the water hit his skin, he realized that he had been absolutely eaten alive by insects, too. That would be a problem for the next night and ample calamine lotion. He took his time, trying not to think of anything but the warmth and his own breathing, but in actuality obsessing over everything that had happened. His attraction to Nandor might be real, his dreams hopefully genuine, but Nandor still invaded them, still knew the entire time, which recolored  _ everything.  _ It was exhausting, poring over interactions across a decade and wondering if Nandor had been toying with him or genuinely oblivious in any given instant… If he was still toying with him, now.

Was everything in the woods a very elaborate and poorly communicated seduction…? 

And what the recent tryst with Laszlo was supposed to mean. If Nandor had meant for Guillermo to catch them. To demonstrate that he would never choose Guillermo and to give up? But then why be surprised when Guillermo left? Maybe it was just genuine unthinking impulse and an old creaky door. Guillermo groaned, bending forward to touch the bottom of the tub, cracking several vertebrae in his back, realizing that even after more than ten years Nandor still completely confounded him. 

\-----

Guillermo slunk into bed, clean, soft, and thoroughly exhausted. As soon as he had relaxed into the mattress, Nandor clambered on top of him, spreading his legs apart, his hands in Guillermo's hair and stroking his cheek. He whispered, "I'll give you whatever you desire," his beard tickling his face. "We can pick up where we left off, Guillermo…" He dragged kisses down his jaw with soft lips. "You'll cum so hard you'll…"

"What, forgive you?" Guillermo was so, so tired.

"...Yes."

"I'm not interested," he replied, pushing Nandor off of him weakly, "I just want to sleep."

He yawned and turned over onto his side to illustrate his point. Nandor wordlessly put an arm around him that he pushed off again.

“...We can’t even cuddle…?” Nandor said sadly. 

“No, we can’t.” 

Guillermo fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I lied. I have no idea how many more parts there will be. These two are too much fun to torture.
> 
> Also with the power of hindsight, this would probably function better as a chaptered work instead of a series but it's too late now. 
> 
> I think this story is best paired with the song "Master of Puppets" by Metallica on full blast in the dark.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
